aromatherapy with a twist you wouldn't be disappointed


satisfaction with a smile 😊 come say hi as im always friendly and
polite

.
this is my hobby !! plus love meeting new people .
love to be naughty once in a while and like quality over quantity..

hi I'm blue moon .. as I play once in a blue moon if you're lucky
I'm curvy bubbly and sexy as hell Bridget Jones type of girl warm and friendly and a lot of laff
I'm size 12 top size 38 dbra
I'm a size 12 bottom I'm not slim I'm cuddley if you want a super model who's slim I'm not for you . I don't smoke but don't mind if you do I also have a couple of tattoos .
I'm very naughty slightly mad young at heart single female who loves life so if you would like to meet and have the best time of your life come say hi I don't bite much looking
Right were do I start lol good question.




well The Trouser Snake is the world's most dangerous snake. Color varies from pink to black. It's fangless, average length 5 - 6 inches (although some are said to reach 12 inches depending on honesty of it's owner) it appears usually in bedrooms attacking women in the mouth or lower abdominal area. It's highly venomous spit can cause swelling lasting 9 months! Some mutant species have also been known to attack men from behind lol well if you fancy having a date with the girl next door type who turns from classy to naughty in 60 seconds 😅😅😅I'm your very own Bridget Jones type of girl and I'm sure to make you laff and cum at the same time so if you fancy that special occasion or night I'm good company and promise to leave a smile on your face . So don't be sat all on your when you have little me to come out and party , meal out wanting good company and for get the rest of the world for a day or night come say hi I don't bite much 😆😎😂😂😂😇

xx let me tease please and play with you until you burst full xxx im very well groomed and always freshly showered n shaved. come and enjoy me and let me be your FANTASY xxx



Massage included ask for details fully qualified sports therapy and aromatherapy or massage with a happy ending



let me be your bad habit today . let's make the sunshine but soak the bed sheets lol


Every time you come around, you know I can't say no
Every time the sun goes down, I let you take control
I can feel the paradise before my world implodes
And tonight had something wonderful
My bad habits lead to late nights, endin' alone
Conversations with a stranger I barely know
Swearin' this will be the last, but it probably won't
I got nothin' left to lose, or use, or do
My bad habits lead to wide eyes starin' at space
And I know I'll lose control of the things that I say
Yeah, I was lookin' for a way out, now I can't escape
Nothin' happens after two, it's truе, it's true
My bad habits lead to you
Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh
My bad habits lead to you
Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh
My bad habits lеad to you
Every pure intention ends when the good times start
Fallin' over everything to reach the first-time spark
Started under neon lights and then it all got dark
I only know how to go too far
My bad habits lead to late nights, endin' alone
Conversations with a stranger I barely know
Swearin' this will be the last, but it probably won't
I got nothin' left to lose, or use, or do
My bad habits lead to wide eyes starin' at space
And I know I'll lose control of the things that I say
Yeah, I was lookin' for a way out, now I can't escape
Nothin' happens after two, it's truе, it's true
My bad habits lead to you
Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh
My bad habits lead to you
Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh
We took the long way 'round
And burned 'til the fun ran out, now
My bad habits lead to late nights, endin' alone
Conversations with a stranger I barely know
Swearin' this will be the last, but it probably won't
I got nothin' left to lose, or use, or do
My bad habits lead to wide eyes starin' at space
And I know I'll lose control of the things that I say
Yeah, I was lookin' for a way out, now I can't escape
Nothin' happens after two, it's truе, it's true
My bad habits lead to you
Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh
My bad habits lead to you
Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh
My bad habits lead to you

50 shades of Grimsby & Meggies

It was a hot January day so I’d decided to get the bus down Meggies to sit outside the Wellow. As he approached, his pasty and feeble upper body exposed, inked with self inflicted biro tattoos, draped in Elizabeth Duke bling, his Rockport’s tucked into his socks and tracksuit, his smile told me it was benefit day and we’d be getting proper wasted and that..........our tracksuits would be hanging off his light bulb tonight.....theBlue Wicked and MCAT flowed.....
It was Dwayne's birthday. We normally eat from the chippy every night so I decided to prepare a special meal of Findus Crispy Pancakes smothered with a Pot Noodle. I would let him take me any way he wanted tonight. His favourite position was what he called The Dogs of War. Where he took me from behind and played Call of Duty at the same time. I liked it this way as I could check me Facebook too and then update me mam when he came.....
Our 6 week anniversary was approaching. I think this would be my longest relationship without becoming pregnant? At least it defo would be since leaving big school. I thought of this as he lay on top of me giving me one. His skinny arms straddled my head like breadsticks either side of an orange. As I rubbed his whiter than white back, I imagined every mole I felt was spelling out Braille for I love you.
As I stood in line at the Job Centre thinking of reasons I couldn't work, a sweet smell drifted past my unblocked left nostril. B.O and Old Spice. I turned around and there was Dwayne. Our eyes met and he was soon fingering me in the bogs in Cue World.



A woman was shaking out a rug on the balcony of her 17th floor condominium when a sudden gust of wind blew her over the railing. "Damn, that was stupid," she thought as she fell. "What a way to die."
As she passed the 14th floor, a man standing at his railing caught her in his arms.
While she looked at him in disbelieving gratitude, he asked, "Do you suck?"
"No!" she shrieked, aghast.
So, he dropped her.
As she passed the 12th floor, another man reached out and caught her. "Do you screw?" he asked.
"Of course not!" she exclaimed before she could stop herself.
He dropped her, too.
The poor woman prayed to God for one more chance. As luck would have it, she was caught a third time, by a man on the eighth floor. "I suck! I screw!" she screamed in panic.
"Slut!" he said, and dropped her.



As you lie back your muscles tighten. You put him off for a while searching for an excuse, but he refuses to be swayed as he approaches you.
He asks if you’re afraid and you shake your head bravely. He has had more experience, but it’s the first time his finger has found the right place.
He probes deeply and you shiver; your body tenses; but he’s gentle like he promised he’d be.
He looks deeply within your eyes and tells you to trust him-he’s done this many times before.
His cool smile relaxes you and you open wider to give him more room for an easy entrance.

You begin to plead and beg him to hurry, but he slowly takes his time, wanting to cause you as little pain as possible. As he presses closer, going deeper, you feel the tissue give way; pain surges throughout your body.

He looks at you concerned and asks you if it’s too painful. Your eyes are filled with tears but you shake your head and nod for him to go on. He begins going in and out with skill but you are now too numb to feel him within you.

After a few moments, you feel something bursting within you and he pulls it out of you, you lay panting, glad to have it over. He looks at you and smiling warmly, tells you, with a chuckle; that you have been his most stubborn yet most rewarding experience.

You smile and thank your dentist. After all, it was your first time to have a tooth pulled.

Naughty, Naughty!

Excuse me, What were you thinking ...


After having been told my danglies looked like an elderly Rastafarian I decided to take the plunge and buy some of this Veet as previous shaving attempts had only been mildly successful and I nearly put my back out trying to reach the more difficult bits.
I waited until the other half was tucked up in bed and after giving some vague hints about a special surprise I went down to the bathroom. Initially all went well and I applied the gel and stood waiting for something to happen. I didn't have long to wait.
At first there was a gentle warmth which in a matter of seconds was replaced by an intense burning and a feeling I can only describe as like being given a barbed wire wedgie by two people intent on hitting the ceiling with my head.
Religion hadn't featured much in my life until that night but I suddenly became willing to convert to any religion to stop the violent burning around the turd tunnel and what seemed like the the destruction of the meat and two veg.
Struggling not to bite through my bottom lip I tried to wash the gel off in the sink and only succeeded in blocking the plughole with a mat of hair. Through the haze of tears I struggled out of the bathroom across the hall into the kitchen, by this time walking was not really possible and I crawled the final yard to the fridge in the hope of some form of cold relief.
I yanked the freezer drawer out and found a tub of ice cream, took the lid off and positioned it under me.
The relief was fantastic but only temporary as it melted fairly quickly and the fiery stabbing returned. Due to the shape of the ice cream tub I hadn't managed to give the starfish any treatment and I groped around in the draw for something else as I was sure my vision was going to fail fairly soon.
I grabbed a bag of what I later found out was frozen sprouts and tore it open trying to be quiet as I did so. I took a handful of them and an tried in vain to clench some between the cheeks of my arse.
This was not doing the trick as some of the gel had found its way up the chutney channel and it felt like the space shuttle was running its engines behind me.
This was probably and hopefully the only time in my life I was going to wish there was a gay snowman in the kitchen which should give you some idea of the depths I was willing to sink to in order to ease the pain.
The only solution my pain-crazed mind could come up with was to gently ease one of the sprouts where no veg had gone before. Unfortunately, alerted by the strange grunts coming from the kitchen, the other half chose that moment to come and investigate and was greeted by the sight of me, arse in the air, strawberry ice cream dripping from my bell end pushing a sprout up my arse while muttering," arhhh ooooohhh that feels good ahhh" Understandably, this was a shock to her and she let out a scream, and as I hadn't heard her come in, it caused an involuntary spasm of shock in myself which resulted in the sprout being ejected at quite some speed in her direction.
I can understand that having a sprout fired against your leg at 11 at night in the kitchen probably wasn't the special surprise she was expecting and having what the strange hollow in the ice cream was didn't improve my status. So to sum it up, VEET removes hair, dignity and self-respect.🤣🤣🤣Xx



horny naughty girl with a tight wet pussy, I'll squirt if your fingers hit that spot ! My nipples love being sucked and my pussy licked, i have sexy outfits to play with you guys in 😍😍😗😗


I'm available for the girlfriend Experience nice romantic nights out to kinky nights in and so make a nice holiday companion ask me for details I'm ready for a nice holiday away or just a naughty weekend come 😜


...
webcam and phone sex available..
sports therapy massage and aromatherapy available with happy ending with or without massage available .. and
🤪😜🤪😜🤪
I also have a wish list if you would like to view
This is the tale of a very naughty parrot and as it turns out also a very naughty husband!

Margaret and Dave were a happy couple
He worked and she ran the home
Two beautiful teenage daughters
A dog and a garden gnome

But one fateful day they came down to find
That Bob their old terrier had died
Dave buried his old pal in the garden
While the girls sat inside and cried

A week later Margaret decided
To do something to cheer the girls up
A new pet was what was required
A kitten or maybe a pup

So off down the high street she wandered
She walked till a sign caught her eye
"Parrot free to a good home" it read
"With free cage and a years food supply"

The bell on the door tinkled as she went in
A man appeared from behind a screen
And there on the counter proud on his perch
A beautiful bird with plumage of green

"Oh he,s handsome" Margaret said to the man with a smile
"Dont be fooled madam. He,s really not cute
This is a foul mouthed parrot
Rescued from a house of ill repute!"

"Oh nonsense i,ll take him" came Margaret,s reply
And off she went home on the bus
Excited to show all the family
She knew they,d all make such a fuss

As she carried the cage through the front door
The parrot began to shriek
"Where are the whores! Where are the whores!"
She didnt expect that to come out of his beak!

Margaret laughed and sat the cage in the window
So he could watch the world go by
And she couldnt help but notice
A very cheeky glint in his eye

At half past three her youngest
Came wandering in from school
And that very naughty parrot
Began to lose his cool

"Show us your knickers! Show us your knickers!"
He screamed with all his might
Margaret and her daughter
Both giggled at the sight

Daughter number two appeared at twenty five past four
She walked into the living room unaware
The bird flapped his wings and looked her up and down
"Nice pair! Nice pair! Nice pair!"

The girls sat and laughed at this very naughty bird
First time they,d smiled since losing Bob
And all agreed "Dads going to love him
When he comes home tonight from his job"

At six dad arrived exhausted from work
Walked into the living room with a weary smile
The parrot took one look at dad and exclaimed
"Dave! I havent seen you in a while!

Hands up who did the parrot voice as you read it!





… I can buy myself flowers
Write my name in the sand
Talk to myself for hours
Say things you don't understand
I can take myself dancing
And I can hold my own hand
Yeah, I can love me better than you can
… Can love me better
I can love me better, baby
Can love me better
I can love me better, baby
…